Thursday, June 29, 2006

This Is What I'm Reduced To.....

Merino Wool. It does say a lot about me I suppose.

What kind of yarn are you?

You are Merino Wool.You are very easygoing and sweet. People like to keep you close because you are so softhearted. You love to be comfortable and warm from your head to your toes.
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At Peace

My Simba is at peace, finally. I will miss him so very much ... there are no words for the hurt in my heart. My only comfort is that he isn't in pain anymore ... now he can run, purr, pounce, smile in that way that only a cat can...he is free....

Why are you crying,
I am not there.
Look not for me by the favorite chair,
I am not there.
See me not at the bed's foot,
nor at the door's step,
I am not there.
Do not look to the earth's cold hand,
it could not hold me,
I am not there.
Look to the midnight star, a comet's flash,
racing shadows in the field, sun lights
dance on water's edge.
Hear me, the rustle of the grass,
pine bough sigh, the beat of bird's wings,
the rain's quiet tattoo.
Feel me in your heart, for it is there I cannot leave.
Wait for my loving kiss, my paw's soft touch
at Rainbow Bridge.
I will meet you there, and we shall dance again,

Monday, June 26, 2006

The Big Suckarooti

Today sucked-big time, starting with getting out of bed. I'm on vacation & the one thing I want to do (besides getting drunk on Bailey's whilst talking to Ann & Sindy, trash talking men, the need to work & the curse of being born beautiful instead of rich) was to sleep late. I didn't get to sleep late. Why? This is why.....


...he had to pee. At 7. That's in THE MORNING. While I'm on vacation. Did I mention the typhoon/monsoon/tsunami thing going on? There's no way this dog will go out in the yard in THAT. Luckily, I talked him into going back to sleep for 30 minutes...which was when I poked my head downstairs and said in my sweetest "I love you hunny you are my God my man stud my hunkahunka burnin' love" voice "sweetheart, can you let the dog out?" ...and he fell for it...err I mean he let the dog out. OK, so that part didn't suck too bad ...I did get to go back to sleep for a little while.

Finally, I rolled my beached whale of a body out of bed around 9'ish, haul it into the shower & wait to wake up. Which was right around when I noticed the shower curtains are OUTSIDE the tub as opposed to INSIDE the tub. Which means that the flooding outside is now INSIDE. Crap. There goes my relaxing shower. Who needs to relax, right? It's only a vacation for shit's sake. Who wants to relax on one of THOSE?

I call the vet & get the latest on Boo Boo Kitty. I find out he's taken a turn for the worse & the tone for the rest of the day is now set. If there was ever a need to get drunk today is IT. But, my brilliant plan has been shattered by one very important fact .... I forgot to go to the liquor store. I'll make do w/coffee instead.

I don't even bother w/doing hair or makeup ...vacation, right? Big Dog Momma tshirt + jeans + ponytail = vacation dress code. I look (and feel) like death warmed over. My eyes are red & puffy from crying over Simba, my nose is dripping like the crotch of a $5 hooker and I'm looking every year of 65 years old (I'm 39). I've just thrown the final load into the washing machine (which has been leaking since they installed it, waiting for the mysterious plumber to arrive. We've been making do w/a bucket under the pipe. (Class Act, yeah I know) and am settling down to knit a few rows. That's when the dogs start barking. Why? Plumber. Unannounced. Today. With the washer going. And he's wearing a tank top. And he's hairy. And sweaty.

It's at this point that I realize I've done something so wrong at a major karmic level. I've have pissed off some major deity or wronged a malevolent goddess....something. I say "fuck it", go downstairs, finish up a quick email to work, toss on my shoes & go see Boo Boo Kitty. That's when my day REALLY becamse the Big Suckarooti.

He looks awful...his eyes all rheumy & red, like he'd been crying, too. He barely moves, just sleeps & purrs. He refuses to eat or drink (thankfully they're pumping him full of fluids) and generally looks horrid. I miss him so's like a piece of my soul is sitting in the kennel with him. Dr. P says things aren't looking overly positive now -he's in guarded condition at best. His liver function is impaired & his blood glucose levels aren't regulated. I stayed for a few hours, as long as I could without completely going over the edge. I'm doing whatever I can to take my mind off of it (like this entry) but nothing works. I miss my Boo little punkin' man. I just want to pet his little head until he falls asleep purring on my shoulder. Maybe tonight when I sleep I'll get to do just that. Sleep well punkin' man...Momma is holding you in her heart.

Knitting = Sanity


This has been what's keeping me sane...a scarf. Woo Hoo. A plain old scarf, done in short rows in a colonial blue wool something or other that I found. I can't concentrate on anything more complicated right now. Spoke to the vet this morning & my Boo Boo Kitty isn't doing as well as he was yesterday. He's still badly dehydrated, they can't regulate his blood glucose levels & he's not eating. Dr. P think we're looking @ a fatty liver & if that's the case prognosis sucks. I'm going to see him this afternoon around 3 or so ... I am a mess. Thank God I'm on vacation - if I had to work this week I'd get fired.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Boo Boo Kitty


This is Simba AKA Simby Bimby, Simbalaya, Squeakers, Punkin...and the ever popular...Momma's Good Baby. Right now he's one Boo Boo Kitty ....his lethargy, weight loss (6 pounds!), lack of appetite, weakness, fading eyesight & poor coat are pointing to one thing-feline diabetes (final bloodwork to confirm that but the vet's fairly certain that's what it is). The vet is seriously concerned & gives him a 50/50 chance in his present condition. Dr. P (who is an amazing vet & an all around great guy) has my baby for the weekend. Send good fur baby vibes please. We can use all the good thoughts we can get.


Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Can You Stand The Cuteness??

I couldn't resist this shot....they look so peaceful, so angelic....looks are deceiving...


Modular Knitting WIP

Here's my 1st attempt @ modular knitting. It's a crude attempt at a scarf using 2 colors. The wool is Glengary Shetland in 2 shades of mauve (the pics look purple-I have no camera skills at all) and came from my Mother's ancient stash. I'm kinda diggin' it but I have to do more work when it comes to changing colors.



Knitting Meet Up

Tomorrow I go to my very first Knitting Meet Up tomorrow. Is it just a little bit sad that I'm incredibly excited about it? I can hardly wait! I met 2 members of the Meetup @ the Modular Knitting class that I had taken @ AC Moore a while ago but the meeting night always conflicted with LOST ok, ok, I know I'm more than sad...I'm pathetisad. Or is it pathetique? Either way, my life is boring....on the up side, I'm knitting my ass off (oh how I wish that were true! My ass is the size of Cleveland) & loving every second of it. I am just finishing up the Surfer Girl Halter Top in this month's issue of Creative Knitting. I did it in Bernat Camoflage Outback and it only looks a little white trashy. I'll post pics once it's all blocked.

Open Letter Redux

This letter to the biological mother of my stepchildren, originally posted earlier this year, mysteriously disappeared from my blog. did that happen I wonder? None of my posts were deleted other than this one...perhaps the intarwebs was acting up. Perhaps. In any event, I found the original draft & have decided to repost (and have changed my blogger password in the process). Here it is, in all it's glory...yet again (and for those of you that have already read this the 1st time, skip to the end as I've added a post script)

Some background information...I met DH 3 1/2 years ago, not long after his now ex-wife, C, had left him & their kids to pursue a relationship with a woman in Texas (DH & said wife lived in PA) she'd met online. When that relationship didn't work out she left Texas & moved to Missouri to live with another woman, also someone she'd met online (nothing snarky meant about the whole online thing since that's how I met DH, too). Fall 2005 she & her GF moved back to PA, ostensibly to spend more time with the kids. DH has custody of the kids (D who is 16 & becoming a beautiful woman and B who is 10 & all boy) & they are the light of my life. Recently, A (C's gf) & I had a rather intense phone conversation in which I spoke my mind & gave my opinions on a lot of things. It created a lot of drama & emails back & forth. DH has asked that I don't respond to her emails & I've agreed since it would only start a war & that's something we don't want to expose D&B to. That being said, the entire thing has been eating me up & I need to vent. I know she'll never find my blog so I feel safe in venting here. There's so much more about this woman that would make your head spin (drugs, alcohol, stealing, lying-the list is endless) but this isn't about her, it's about me. Here goes......

Dear C,

3 1/2 years ago you made a choice that changed your life forever. You may not think you abandoned your children but you did. You willingly & with forethought left them. In my book, that's abandonment, honey. You can dress it up with any excuse that you want but cutting through the bullshit-you left your kids. You can never take that back. Here we are 3 years later and while you're geographically closer to your children, emotionally, you're even farther apart than you were before. Your actions and inactions are making the chasm between yourself & your children wider & wider every day.

You say you wonder how long you'll be punished for the mistake you made by leaving. Simple....FOREVER. Your children will never ever forget the fact that you left. They may forgive you but they will never forget. What they may not forgive you for is the way you're handling things now that you've come back. For all the contact that you've had, you might as well have stayed in Missouri. You hardly call or write (and the only reason you called twice in the last 2 weeks is because I shamed you into it. We'll see how long THAT lasts) and when the kids actually get to spend time with you it's for a few hours at best.

You wonder why I don't like you. It's a simple answer really. I don't like you because of the hurt I see in B's eyes when he is really missing you. I don't like you because I hear D say how much she hates you when I really know she means she loves you with everything she has. I don't like you because of how you lied to your own mother about your husband, telling her he gambled away his paycheck when really he never even saw his paycheck. I don't like you because you & I both know what kind of person you really are - a manipulative self-centered liar who looks for excuses instead of answers, who runs away when faced with the cold hard truth & who doesn't know the first thing about being a Mother.

In 3 years our family has had it's ups & downs, its quarrels, its fights. But in that time, we've discovered what it's like to become a family-a true family. These kids now know what it's like to have TWO parents who love them unconditionally. TWO parents who look at every decision that needs to be made from the viewpoint of "How will this impact the kids". TWO stable employed parents who are teaching the kids what a good work ethic means. TWO parents who love each other AND the kids with a love you will never know. Why? Because you're too involved in YOU.

I pity you, C, I really do. You lost everything important in your life - your husband, your children, your mother, everything that matters -you don't seem to care. You say that no one seems to know how you feel, that you love your kids, that you want to be a part of their lives. It's just words, C. Actions speak louder than words & right now your actions are screaming "I only care about myself." The only good thing in all of this is that because of you, I now have 2 amazing children in my life. I love them more than the air I breathe, more than life itself. Even a dog can give birth (and we know what they call a female dog) - just because you gave birth to them doesn't make you their Mother. It just makes you the uterus.

PS~I do have one thing to thank you for C and that's this - that you had the sense that God gave you to get involved w/an evil meddlesome little bitch like A. Her need to create drama and watch the fur fly was what started all the insanity between M&M (additional background to the reader-M&M are DH's parents; his crazy mother tossed his father out on his 72 year old ass with his dog & the clothes on his back. He is now living with us for as long as he wants. For that I thank you because now this wonderful man is now in my home & away from the vile treatment & abuse he suffered for years. The children have their Pappy & DH has his Dad....and I have them all. What do you have, C?

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Off With His Nose...and His Head

This is...was...Woofi. Woofi was a very delightful squishy that I bought to support our local animal shelter. Woofi came with his own collar, tag & little adoption certificate. He also had a nose. HAD.

This was Boo Bear. He didn't have his own collar or a little tag or a little adoption certificate. What he DID have was a head.

And this is Oskar. He now has Woofi's nose and Boo Bear's head. I have no clue where this 11 pound bundle of ferocity placed said nose or head.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

For Anne

I've been thinking about you all day long ... I hope today went well & you've begun the 1st step in what will be a long but necessary journey. I know that going through this will be tough for you...that some days will be harder than others but we both know that the goal here is your happiness and, ultimately, your inner peace. For such a long time you've not had either of those-not truly anyway-but I think you will, soon. I love you, cuz....I'm with you, even from all the way over here.....

" I believe that the very purpose of life is to be happy. From the very core of our being, we desire contentment. In my own limited experience I have found that the more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the principal source of success in life. Since we are not solely material creatures, it is a mistake to place all our hopes for happiness on external development alone. The key is to develop inner peace."
~Dalai Lama