This letter to the biological mother of my stepchildren, originally posted earlier this year, mysteriously disappeared from my blog. Hmmm...how did that happen I wonder? None of my posts were deleted other than this one...perhaps the intarwebs was acting up. Perhaps. In any event, I found the original draft & have decided to repost (and have changed my blogger password in the process). Here it is, in all it's glory...yet again (and for those of you that have already read this the 1st time, skip to the end as I've added a post script)
Some background information...I met DH 3 1/2 years ago, not long after his now ex-wife, C, had left him & their kids to pursue a relationship with a woman in Texas (DH & said wife lived in PA) she'd met online. When that relationship didn't work out she left Texas & moved to Missouri to live with another woman, also someone she'd met online (nothing snarky meant about the whole online thing since that's how I met DH, too). Fall 2005 she & her GF moved back to PA, ostensibly to spend more time with the kids. DH has custody of the kids (D who is 16 & becoming a beautiful woman and B who is 10 & all boy) & they are the light of my life. Recently, A (C's gf) & I had a rather intense phone conversation in which I spoke my mind & gave my opinions on a lot of things. It created a lot of drama & emails back & forth. DH has asked that I don't respond to her emails & I've agreed since it would only start a war & that's something we don't want to expose D&B to. That being said, the entire thing has been eating me up & I need to vent. I know she'll never find my blog so I feel safe in venting here. There's so much more about this woman that would make your head spin (drugs, alcohol, stealing, lying-the list is endless) but this isn't about her, it's about me. Here goes......
3 1/2 years ago you made a choice that changed your life forever. You may not think you abandoned your children but you did. You willingly & with forethought left them. In my book, that's abandonment, honey. You can dress it up with any excuse that you want but cutting through the bullshit-you left your kids. You can never take that back. Here we are 3 years later and while you're geographically closer to your children, emotionally, you're even farther apart than you were before. Your actions and inactions are making the chasm between yourself & your children wider & wider every day.
You say you wonder how long you'll be punished for the mistake you made by leaving. Simple....FOREVER. Your children will never ever forget the fact that you left. They may forgive you but they will never forget. What they may not forgive you for is the way you're handling things now that you've come back. For all the contact that you've had, you might as well have stayed in Missouri. You hardly call or write (and the only reason you called twice in the last 2 weeks is because I shamed you into it. We'll see how long THAT lasts) and when the kids actually get to spend time with you it's for a few hours at best.
You wonder why I don't like you. It's a simple answer really. I don't like you because of the hurt I see in B's eyes when he is really missing you. I don't like you because I hear D say how much she hates you when I really know she means she loves you with everything she has. I don't like you because of how you lied to your own mother about your husband, telling her he gambled away his paycheck when really he never even saw his paycheck. I don't like you because you & I both know what kind of person you really are - a manipulative self-centered liar who looks for excuses instead of answers, who runs away when faced with the cold hard truth & who doesn't know the first thing about being a Mother.
In 3 years our family has had it's ups & downs, its quarrels, its fights. But in that time, we've discovered what it's like to become a family-a true family. These kids now know what it's like to have TWO parents who love them unconditionally. TWO parents who look at every decision that needs to be made from the viewpoint of "How will this impact the kids". TWO stable employed parents who are teaching the kids what a good work ethic means. TWO parents who love each other AND the kids with a love you will never know. Why? Because you're too involved in YOU.
I pity you, C, I really do. You lost everything important in your life - your husband, your children, your mother, everything that matters -you don't seem to care. You say that no one seems to know how you feel, that you love your kids, that you want to be a part of their lives. It's just words, C. Actions speak louder than words & right now your actions are screaming "I only care about myself." The only good thing in all of this is that because of you, I now have 2 amazing children in my life. I love them more than the air I breathe, more than life itself. Even a dog can give birth (and we know what they call a female dog) - just because you gave birth to them doesn't make you their Mother. It just makes you the uterus.
PS~I do have one thing to thank you for C and that's this - that you had the sense that God gave you to get involved w/an evil meddlesome little bitch like A. Her need to create drama and watch the fur fly was what started all the insanity between M&M (additional background to the reader-M&M are DH's parents; his crazy mother tossed his father out on his 72 year old ass with his dog & the clothes on his back. He is now living with us for as long as he wants. For that I thank you because now this wonderful man is now in my home & away from the vile treatment & abuse he suffered for years. The children have their Pappy & DH has his Dad....and I have them all. What do you have, C?