Thursday, January 13, 2011

Catching My Breath & Waiting to Exhale

2011 hasn't started off well - I've found myself in the horrible position of getting the flu not once but twice. I am the lucky girl aren't I? Been out of work more than I've been in - I know it's probably irritating the hell out of my boss but honestly, I couldn't find it in me to care, what with my head in a bucket and all. I am praying that this isn't an ominous sign for 2011 - 2010 was the year from hell and I don't know if I could go through all that again.

Rewind . November 2009 - my sis, Queenie, has a seriously bad MS exacerbation. Like uber bad. Like not being able to speak, see, move (and here I was just complaining about puking in a bucket). She wound up in rehab for MONTHS, battled infections, idiotic doctors, insurance companies, etc...all of that. She lost her job, most of her mobility and a lot of her dignity. It was tough watching her go through that. Finally though, relief. She comes home right before Christmas and things are sort of OK again.

January-February 2010 It's not long before we realize she really needs help with mobility. Back to the doctors & arguing with the insurance company and voila ... she gets her power wheelchair. She can't fit it in her car but hell, she can zoom around the house. We're happy, things are looking up ....

March. Mom collapses in the garden. Neighbors come rushing, ambulance comes, off to the hospital where they tell us - not looking good. After a lot of tears, a LifeFlight, 2 priests and a nun, the 3 of us girls do the hardest thing we've ever done and let her go. It still just doesn't seem real. I keep expecting to see her head pop up in the garden with her great big smile but it never happens.

July. We remodel the house for Queenie - get ramps put in, redo kitchen, bathroom, lots of handrails...lots of MONEY. Overall a good thing, just expensive. Once it's all done, Big Daddy, the Locust & I move in with Queenie & Peepette. Weird to live with my sisters again & I know it's weird for them now that they have to live with boys but we're working it out.

December/Christmas. Christmas was hard - weird somehow, like that smell you just can't place in the frig when something's gone slightly off. We got through Christmas & New Year's without her - we'd gotten through all of the "firsts" - 1st birthday without her, 1st Christmas without her, and so on. I guess I had this feeling like once we got through all of the "firsts" things would be better. They are, by bits, but still...we're just "off" somehow. I'm hoping one day magically we'll be back. I hope.

And so here we are today. I'm still breathing, but catching & holding my breath a little bit, waiting for another shoe to drop. While I'm waiting & trying to breathe, I'll just do what I do best ...make socks.

Completed Bacon Socks


Tracy said...

Hi! I have no idea how I missed your post, you're on my blog roll but I never saw it til today. You've had a long run of tough times, but you are lucky in that you have such wonderful relationships with your sisters and your hubby. Things will get better, and things will get worse, such is life. All we can do is enjoy the good times we have, right?
The bacon socks turned out great - they look just like bacon! Manda wants me to teach her to knit, but first I have to remember how, ha.

Donna said...

Thanks TB ... life is an ebb & flow kinda thing, I just see,s lately it's been ebbing more than flowing. I'm trying to snap out of it.
Knitting is like riding a bike ... you never really forget, you just fall off a few times before you remember how to do it :-)